Monster of the Midway

by Marty Nopper, Tastemaker in Residence

It started off as a great flight. Upgraded to first class, first row, free drinks (although it was a 9 am flight so beer was out of the question. Bloody Mary wasn’t). But wait, El Martin…What happened on the plane? Certainly, you must have enjoyed the company of someone who was either raised in a barn or foreign country who has absolutely no idea of what private space means, even in First Class?!? Well, yes, little reader, let me briefly expound. See, I sat next to a slightly older man who appeared to be a European descent. While I fancy many of their customs (Oktoberfest, Running of the Bulls, drinking), I somehow never took a shine to the custom of taking off one’s shoes in public and messaging their toes and feet with another unknown person within foot smell of me. Just won’t happen. Not even to my kids. Well, maybe then. But not here.

SHORTFUSE Brewing Company, in the well-maintained Chicago suburb of Shiller Park (Rosemont area), just 5 minutes from O’Hare, was founded in 2017. Sporting a robust 21 beer salute, this place is hopping on a Thursday night. Noticing some really clever names of suds, including Bear-ie White (Hefeweizen) and Pilly Nelson (Pilsner), I sat down to survey the full board of brew. Realizing that what may be offered tonight could change next week, I took advantage of my time here and got to know that the Thursday Night special is $5 pints, my bartender is Daniel, and the guy running the show is Zack, the GM. Head spinning from all the potential potables, including Peanut Butter Cup Stout, Blue Juice Cannon, and El Suave, I finally settled on my go-to’s. Wait for it. W-a-i-t for it. Yes. Dead and Bear-ied. A Sour. No. Just kidding.

With the first selection in the Thursday Night Drink Fest, Marty Nopper chooses #4 Loosey Juicy. The name says it all for me. Anything juicy, orangey, tropical fruity sounding and I’m done. Using a name given to an IPA, this fit the bill. A New England Hazy, it’s made with generous amounts of flaked wheat, rolled oats and a ‘ridiculous amount of American and New Zealand hops’. Hmmm. Looks very orangey to me with a nice lacy grill as I pile through it. Creamy, it’s deceptively good with a little hoppy kiss at the end. 6.4% makes this citrus slider a great way to kick off the night.

Well, time for #2 which happens to be, luckily, #9 on the brew menu. IPA Hop Bomb is darker, more copper colored than the Loosey but not as fruity. Contrary to the description, it was not, in my delicate state, ‘exhibiting floral, fruity, citrus-like, piney, and resinous characters’. It was more down the middle and did have the described medium mealtimes and medium body. Not necessarily the biggest malt fan but this #2 was spot on tonight.

Finally looking at the end of the road, I selected the Middle of The Road (don’t worry, it’s #14). My first sip told me that this is #1. Anyway, this 6.9% cerebellum smasher is considered a ‘modern IPA’ (what?) and is brewed with Citra, Simcoe and El Dorado, giving it the orange, tangerine, and stone fruit notes. Very smooth drinking. I’ll have another. Uh, I mean water, Jennifer…

So, I’m thinking of calling it a night when I accidentally spy a tabletop ad for some pop’s they had previously brewed and considered seasonal. There, I read about a German Chocolate Cake Stout. That brings back some memories as German Chocolate was my favorite cake growing up and mom used to make for me every year on my birthday. Short Fuse considers this a Pastry Stout and, at 6.5%, I’ve already had dinner so I had to dive in, right? Unfortunately, Zack says, they don’t have it on the taps tonight. I groaned like that spoiled little brat whose parents just told him they’d have to restrict his Fortnight play to 4 hours tonight and sat there moping. Then, it happened. Magically, Zack appears and starts pouring me a canned beverage from out of the back. It’s a 16-ounce German Chocolate Cake Stout! Seems they had it in cans also and he got me one from his private stash (supposedly out of the last 4 pack on-site). Eyes watering and upper extremities wanting to break out in jazz hands, I over thanked him and proceeded to finish off the froth.

For those of you that can’t decide or that want to try ‘em all, they got you covered. Unique to The Fuse, specially designed flights allow you to sample 7, 14 or all 21 offerings. Travel arrangements include these first-class Flight Options: Full stick (beers 1-14) is 14 tasters, Half Stick (beers 1-14) is 7 Tasters, the Nuclear Meltdown includes all 21 tasters (sounds good, no?), and for the adventurous type, the Kamikaze where you pick any 7 tasters from all 21 options.

One thing I noticed here was that the staff is more than willing to let you sample any flavor in the shop. Really. There is something for everyone and, if feeling ready to drop your bomb (see toilet reference below), step outside the box and try something new and/or different. About a year or so ago, I had visited a sleepy brewery in Richmond, VA., called Kindred Spirits. I heard a lot of people ordering the milkshake influenced malts and I made a crack that they should be going to McDonald’s instead of wasting their time at a brewery. After all, there’s no spelling buzz with milk…seeing 4 mild inspired libations on the menu from their Goodness Shakes collection, I decided to step out of my box and see what all the milk mustache was about. Tonight, they had For Goodness Shakes Cherry and For Goodness Shakes Blackberry. Sampling both, it’s easy to admit my mistake and confess that these 7.5% malt monsters of the midway (Chicago football reference, ladies) definitely has a place in the Hall of Beer Fame. For that, I’m sorry Kindred Spirits and I will send you a picture of my new ‘stache in 8 months when I grow it out…

Realizing it’s been a while and I need to make my way home, I slipped out to use the facilities and found this. Now, understand that I can appreciate all types but this has gotten too far for me. At least I found my next Halloween costume. Enjoy the Holidays!