Spilled Milkshakes

by Derek Holser, Tastemaker in Residence

February 11. Not only does it serve as the cut-off for ordering Valentine’s gifts without paying through the nose for shipping, it is also National “Don’t Cry Over Spilled Milk” Day. As one who is predisposed to get over disappointment quickly, I don’t really need a faux holiday to remind me to remain optimistic when things go wrong. However, I am a complete and utter opportunist, and I’ll also never miss a chance to engage in wordplay with the hopes of creating a reason to make and chug my favorite ice cream concoction – Milkshakes.

Truth is, I could probably use a little more empathetic introspection. I’ve just never been much for fussing about anything. Over the years, more than one friend has told me they preferred sharing their problems with other people because my response was always some variation on the theme, “Get over it, it will be alright.” 

Which fits right in with February 11. I think I might telephone a few friends and ask them if they have some disappointment, frustration, or other irksome event they would like to vent about. When they are done with their crying, whining, pathetic blubbering over the hardness of life, I’ll simply send them the picture below, along with my favorite recipe!

Butterscotch. Banana Crème. Mint Chocolate Chip. Strawberry. The list is endless and delicious! For decades (maybe longer), people have said “when life gives you lemons, make lemonade.” I say, when milk spills, don’t cry, make milkshakes!

But first, a warning. In my search for remarkably tasty ice cream concoctions, my internet search led me to the song Milkshake (2003) by Kelis.  At first, I hoped that perhaps some great singer had captured my affection for milkshakes. I was mistaken. Turns out for Kelis, the “milkshake” is a euphemism for her magnetic attraction of all the men in town.  Is nothing sacred? I don’t mean to go on like an old-fogey, but jiminy crickets! Leave the milkshake alone, Kelis. Thank you.

On to the recipes. Here’s a couple for you to enjoy this Thursday. If you must, knock over your kids’ or grandkids’ cup of milk. Before they even have a chance to start the waterworks, hand them a tissue, and pull out the blender. Chances are, they’ll never cry again. They might even learn to quickly move past spilled milk, for in life, as in the kitchen, failures only make way for greater opportunities. Bon appetit!